Weigh-in Thursday: Week 1

Tonight I went to my first WeightWatchers meeting.

I chose WeightWatchers because it isn't the kind of program where you can't eat certain things - I don't like being told what to do, so if I am required to eat no hamburgers or no carbs or no sweets, I will fail.  It's not realistic to completely switch over to salads, or grilled instead of fried, or no brown foods.  There are some weird diets out there.  I can't follow rules like that.  If I want a baked potato, I'm going to eat one.

With this program, you are assigned a total number of points that you can use throughout the day.  Every food has an assigned points value formulated by its fat, protein, carb, and fiber content.  Once you are out of points, you are out of food for the day.  Seems oppressive, but it really isn't.  The greatest thing about it is that if you pig out and eat a 1/2 rack of ribs for dinner, but had a light lunch, it might all even out at the end of the day.  It doesn't mean you should do that every day - rather you should eat sensibly, fill up on power foods like fruit, grains, and nuts, and splurge when your body tells you it is necessary.

The leader at the WW meetings is very encouraging and just a little bit crazy - perfect combination :)  Tonight, she talked about summer vacations and offered some great suggestions about how to stay on track while on vacation, like if you're staying in an efficiency, condo, or house, go to the grocery store to stock up on fruits and power foods so you don't solely rely on eating out.  Also, check out local restaurants at your destination before you go and research their menus online to make sure there are healthier options that won't totally ruin your points balance for the day :)

I'm not posting my weight, because it's astronomical.  Instead, I'm using this week's weight as my baseline, and in subsequent weeks I'll show the loss...or gain...but that won't happen right?  RIGHT?  haha

Motivation

I am motivated by 2 things - public humiliation and completing lists.

Sure, that's an odd combination, but they both work for me.  Money motivates me, too, but that doesn't apply here.

Let's start with public humiliation...

I can talk myself out of anything.  If I tell myself I'm going to start eating right and lay off the ice cream, start going to bed earlier, or stay off the internet at work and nobody knows about it, it'll never happen.  However, when I declare publicly that I won't get breakfast from McDonald's for a week via Facebook, or post a sign on my monitor at work that asks anyone who walks by and sees me on the internet to close the browser, anyone can keep me honest by checking in or asking me if I've violated my proclamation.

For example, Bonnie and I gave up soda for Lent.  The only reason I made it 40 days without Diet Dr. Pepper, the sweetest nectar on earth, is that I knew I would let Bonnie down and instead of focusing on her own desire for Root Beer or Dr. Pepper or grape soda (!!!!) she would have to take care of me and get me back on track.  Oh, and there's Jesus, too.  He had a bunch to do with it - if he can survive 40 days in the desert being tempted, for sure I can go 40 days without high-fructose corn syrup.  But Jesus can't give me the look Bonnie can give me if I tell him I had a sip of Coke.  :)

Now, checking things off lists and following routines - one of my greatest joys.  I will commit to updating my weight here every Thursday after my Weight Watchers meeting.  Throughout the week I'll share trials and tribulations, successes and setbacks, and whatever else I feel I need to share about the journey.

I might make this public at some point, but I definitely don't want to publish my current weight on the internet. Haters gonna hate, you know?  Once I get more comfortable and settle into this routine, I'll re-evaluate.

Journey to the inner me

Like, for real.

My buddy, Nate, has started a 90 day Body by Vi challenge through ViSalus Sciences. He has lost 20 pounds already and he is super motivated by this program!  It's so great to see him so excited about it and that he's seeing such great results!  He drinks a cake-batter-tasting ViSalus shake for breakfast and lunch, and then eats a normal dinner.  He's not hungry and he has mucho energy - sounds awesome right?

While I don't think that program is right for me for now, which I'll explain in a bit, he has really motivated me to get off my fat ass and make a change.

Thanks Nate...

...and who knows, once I see the dramatic results we all expect and watch him shrink, I might change my mind and try it! :)  Nate and I have always been the fat kids - so now maybe we'll be skinny kids together too :)

As for the title of the blog, it's a favorite of mine - Family Tree by Belle and Sebastian.  Song lyrics can be cheesy and I'm not normally the type to explain moods or whatever by quoting random song lyrics, but I feel like this song fits my recent attitude so well - here is my favorite verse and a little of the chorus:

I've been feeling down

I've been looking round the town

For somebody just like me

But the only ones I see

Are the dummies in the window

They spend their money on clothes

It saddens me to think

That the only ones I see are mannequins

Looking stupid, being used and being thin

And I don't know why I hang around with them

The way they act, I'd rather be fat than be confused

I'd rather be fat than confused, but not this fat!  I know who I am, and I like my life, but I would feel much better about how I am perceived if I broke out of this outer shell so people could see me instead of my weight.

I want to go shopping and find clothes that fit when I crave a new shirt or bathing suit,without being limited to 2 brick-and-mortar stores and 1 online store.  

Speaking of bathing suits, I want to be able to enjoy swimming or laying out at the pool when I go on vacation without worrying about what the skinny bitch 3 chairs down is thinking when I take off my wrap and expose alllllll of me.  

I want to be able to do fun things with my friends without having to worry about how much walking there will be or whether I'll be able to physically complete an activity.

I want to be able to walk into my closet and find more than 2 pairs of pants to choose from when I'm getting ready for work.

I want to be able to go to a restaurant without worrying that the chair won't collapse from my weight when I sit down.  

I want to be goofy and skip around and chase the cat when I feel like it without getting out of breath.

What I don't want is to hear a 3 year old commenting on my fatness to her mom in Target right in front of me.  Why didn't the mom correct her daughter and tell her it's not nice to say things like that?  Because she agrees.  One time a little girl said "eeeeeeeeeeeeeew she big!" in the Dollar Store.  Not my favorite memory.  

Here are some basic things that have to stop:

• buying an extra sandwich for the ride home, where I will eat a fast food combo meal
• Java Chip frappuccino
• appetizers
• midnight trips to Sheetz for a sweet treat
• Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave, can you please bring me a drumstick when  you come back from the kitchen?????

I'm sure there are more, but you get the idea of how out of hand my eating has become.  I'm not saying I won't eat ice cream, or treat myself to a frappuccino, but not to the excess I have been treating myself lately.  It's not a treat if you have it all the time.

Welcome to my journey.