Oops.

Looks like I fell off the wagon a bit.

It happens.  Vacation...food bender...why bother weighing in this week...change of habits...don't weigh in for a month.  Sound familiar?

But I'm back, thanks to Capital One's Get Active Challenge!  We formed a team within Risk Management/Privacy of about 10 people, and we have committed to each other to walk every day for 30 minutes and change our eating habits.  A couple coworkers are doing the South Beach diet, at which I would most definitely fail - 2 weeks without fresh fruit or bread?  I don't want to live in that world.

I dodged the activity for the first 2 days of this week out of anxiety.  I always do that - I procrastinate on most things if I am scared of it or think I'll fail - but yesterday I decided to get off my fat ass and walk 1 1/4 miles around campus at lunchtime.  I walked by myself to gauge how fast and far I could walk without panting and/or feeling like I would die, so that today I could walk with the group and know my limits.

The only bad thing about that strategy was that my solitary walk yesterday was along a sidewalk that loops around the campus (pretty even and flat) but today we walked the trails, which have very slight hills and curves and twists.  Yesterday's walk was easier for sure, but I'm not sure if that was because of today's hills, curves, or the fact that I wore ballet flats rather than sneakers.

I am definitely stiff from the activity, but I guess that's a good thing.

Recipe of the Week: Blueberry Squares

Blueberry Squares:
(serves 24; points value:  2 per serving)

1 package angel food cake mix
22 oz. light blueberry filling


Pour batter into an ungreased 9x13 inch baking dish.  Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.  Cool and cut into 24 pieces.

Recipe of the Week: Grilled Peaches with Almonds and Honey

Grilled Peaches with Almonds and Honey:
(serves 4; points value:  2 per serving)

2 spray(s) cooking spray  
4 large peach(es), firm but ripe, cut in half, pits removed  
2 Tbsp sliced almonds, natural, chopped  
2 tsp honey, mild (such as clover honey)

Coat a grill or a grill pan with cooking spray. Preheat to medium heat.  Place peach halves, cut sides up, on a baking sheet; lightly spray tops with cooking spray.  Place peach halves on grill, skin sides down, and cook until skin starts to split, about 2 minutes. Using tongs, carefully flip peaches and cook, until grill marks appear, about 2 minutes more.  Remove peaches from grill and place on a serving plate; top each peach with 3/4 teaspoon of almonds and drizzle each with 1/4 teaspoon of honey. Yields 2 peach halves per serving. 

Dave made these the other night and they are so decadent!  I can't believe a whole peach covered in honey and almonds is only 2 points!  We'll definitely make these again!

Recipe of the Week: Brunch Bake

Brunch Bake:

(serves 12; points value:  3 per serving)

12 small refrigerated buttermilk biscuits
24 oz. egg beaters (3 cups)
5 oz. Canadian bacon, chopped
1 cup reduced fat shredded cheddar cheese
1 cup part-skim shredded mozzarella

Arrange biscuits in a 13x9 pan coated with cooking spray.  In a bowl, combine the remaining ingredients.  Pour over the biscuits.  Bake uncovered at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes or until a knife inserted near the center comes out clean.

Weigh-in Thursday: Week 4

Oops - I forgot to post last week!  I lost a pound :)

This week I lost 3, for a whopping total of 4 pounds so far!  At this rate I'll reach my first goal 18.5 weeks.  Seems like a long time, but it took 32 years and 7 months to gain all this weight, so I shouldn't expect it to fall off in a month, right?

I'll be content for now for little successes, like already being motivated to shop for new clothes when my fat clothes start falling off!

Weigh-in Thursday: Week 2

I actually weighed in last night since the leader I love was at a different session this week.  I am up 0.2 pounds!  Must have been those damn Georgetown Cupcakes Bonnie and I bought on Tuesday!  I splurged, but splurged too much.

I've been doing really well tracking my points, but I went way overboard that day with the cupcakes and 2 high calorie/point meals.  Plus we had 2 cookouts for the holiday weekend.  I really need to decide if the 3rd deviled egg or 2nd cupcake is really worth it, or if 1 will satisfy my craving and then move on.

For the first full week I've been on the program, I feel like I've made progress in the right direction as far was watching what I'm putting in my mouth.  It's all about trade-offs.  If I have a big lunch, I need to make up for it at dinner.  If I decide to have a Java Chip Frappuccino as an afternoon snack, maybe I compensate with a 200 calorie Lean Cuisine meal the next day for lunch.

Learning experience, for sure.

Weigh-in Thursday: Week 1

Tonight I went to my first WeightWatchers meeting.

I chose WeightWatchers because it isn't the kind of program where you can't eat certain things - I don't like being told what to do, so if I am required to eat no hamburgers or no carbs or no sweets, I will fail.  It's not realistic to completely switch over to salads, or grilled instead of fried, or no brown foods.  There are some weird diets out there.  I can't follow rules like that.  If I want a baked potato, I'm going to eat one.

With this program, you are assigned a total number of points that you can use throughout the day.  Every food has an assigned points value formulated by its fat, protein, carb, and fiber content.  Once you are out of points, you are out of food for the day.  Seems oppressive, but it really isn't.  The greatest thing about it is that if you pig out and eat a 1/2 rack of ribs for dinner, but had a light lunch, it might all even out at the end of the day.  It doesn't mean you should do that every day - rather you should eat sensibly, fill up on power foods like fruit, grains, and nuts, and splurge when your body tells you it is necessary.

The leader at the WW meetings is very encouraging and just a little bit crazy - perfect combination :)  Tonight, she talked about summer vacations and offered some great suggestions about how to stay on track while on vacation, like if you're staying in an efficiency, condo, or house, go to the grocery store to stock up on fruits and power foods so you don't solely rely on eating out.  Also, check out local restaurants at your destination before you go and research their menus online to make sure there are healthier options that won't totally ruin your points balance for the day :)

I'm not posting my weight, because it's astronomical.  Instead, I'm using this week's weight as my baseline, and in subsequent weeks I'll show the loss...or gain...but that won't happen right?  RIGHT?  haha

Motivation

I am motivated by 2 things - public humiliation and completing lists.

Sure, that's an odd combination, but they both work for me.  Money motivates me, too, but that doesn't apply here.

Let's start with public humiliation...

I can talk myself out of anything.  If I tell myself I'm going to start eating right and lay off the ice cream, start going to bed earlier, or stay off the internet at work and nobody knows about it, it'll never happen.  However, when I declare publicly that I won't get breakfast from McDonald's for a week via Facebook, or post a sign on my monitor at work that asks anyone who walks by and sees me on the internet to close the browser, anyone can keep me honest by checking in or asking me if I've violated my proclamation.

For example, Bonnie and I gave up soda for Lent.  The only reason I made it 40 days without Diet Dr. Pepper, the sweetest nectar on earth, is that I knew I would let Bonnie down and instead of focusing on her own desire for Root Beer or Dr. Pepper or grape soda (!!!!) she would have to take care of me and get me back on track.  Oh, and there's Jesus, too.  He had a bunch to do with it - if he can survive 40 days in the desert being tempted, for sure I can go 40 days without high-fructose corn syrup.  But Jesus can't give me the look Bonnie can give me if I tell him I had a sip of Coke.  :)

Now, checking things off lists and following routines - one of my greatest joys.  I will commit to updating my weight here every Thursday after my Weight Watchers meeting.  Throughout the week I'll share trials and tribulations, successes and setbacks, and whatever else I feel I need to share about the journey.

I might make this public at some point, but I definitely don't want to publish my current weight on the internet. Haters gonna hate, you know?  Once I get more comfortable and settle into this routine, I'll re-evaluate.

Journey to the inner me

Like, for real.

My buddy, Nate, has started a 90 day Body by Vi challenge through ViSalus Sciences. He has lost 20 pounds already and he is super motivated by this program!  It's so great to see him so excited about it and that he's seeing such great results!  He drinks a cake-batter-tasting ViSalus shake for breakfast and lunch, and then eats a normal dinner.  He's not hungry and he has mucho energy - sounds awesome right?

While I don't think that program is right for me for now, which I'll explain in a bit, he has really motivated me to get off my fat ass and make a change.

Thanks Nate...

...and who knows, once I see the dramatic results we all expect and watch him shrink, I might change my mind and try it! :)  Nate and I have always been the fat kids - so now maybe we'll be skinny kids together too :)

As for the title of the blog, it's a favorite of mine - Family Tree by Belle and Sebastian.  Song lyrics can be cheesy and I'm not normally the type to explain moods or whatever by quoting random song lyrics, but I feel like this song fits my recent attitude so well - here is my favorite verse and a little of the chorus:

I've been feeling down

I've been looking round the town

For somebody just like me

But the only ones I see

Are the dummies in the window

They spend their money on clothes

It saddens me to think

That the only ones I see are mannequins

Looking stupid, being used and being thin

And I don't know why I hang around with them

The way they act, I'd rather be fat than be confused

I'd rather be fat than confused, but not this fat!  I know who I am, and I like my life, but I would feel much better about how I am perceived if I broke out of this outer shell so people could see me instead of my weight.

I want to go shopping and find clothes that fit when I crave a new shirt or bathing suit,without being limited to 2 brick-and-mortar stores and 1 online store.  

Speaking of bathing suits, I want to be able to enjoy swimming or laying out at the pool when I go on vacation without worrying about what the skinny bitch 3 chairs down is thinking when I take off my wrap and expose alllllll of me.  

I want to be able to do fun things with my friends without having to worry about how much walking there will be or whether I'll be able to physically complete an activity.

I want to be able to walk into my closet and find more than 2 pairs of pants to choose from when I'm getting ready for work.

I want to be able to go to a restaurant without worrying that the chair won't collapse from my weight when I sit down.  

I want to be goofy and skip around and chase the cat when I feel like it without getting out of breath.

What I don't want is to hear a 3 year old commenting on my fatness to her mom in Target right in front of me.  Why didn't the mom correct her daughter and tell her it's not nice to say things like that?  Because she agrees.  One time a little girl said "eeeeeeeeeeeeeew she big!" in the Dollar Store.  Not my favorite memory.  

Here are some basic things that have to stop:

• buying an extra sandwich for the ride home, where I will eat a fast food combo meal
• Java Chip frappuccino
• appetizers
• midnight trips to Sheetz for a sweet treat
• Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave, can you please bring me a drumstick when  you come back from the kitchen?????

I'm sure there are more, but you get the idea of how out of hand my eating has become.  I'm not saying I won't eat ice cream, or treat myself to a frappuccino, but not to the excess I have been treating myself lately.  It's not a treat if you have it all the time.

Welcome to my journey.