Journey to the inner me

Like, for real.

My buddy, Nate, has started a 90 day Body by Vi challenge through ViSalus Sciences. He has lost 20 pounds already and he is super motivated by this program!  It's so great to see him so excited about it and that he's seeing such great results!  He drinks a cake-batter-tasting ViSalus shake for breakfast and lunch, and then eats a normal dinner.  He's not hungry and he has mucho energy - sounds awesome right?

While I don't think that program is right for me for now, which I'll explain in a bit, he has really motivated me to get off my fat ass and make a change.

Thanks Nate...

...and who knows, once I see the dramatic results we all expect and watch him shrink, I might change my mind and try it! :)  Nate and I have always been the fat kids - so now maybe we'll be skinny kids together too :)

As for the title of the blog, it's a favorite of mine - Family Tree by Belle and Sebastian.  Song lyrics can be cheesy and I'm not normally the type to explain moods or whatever by quoting random song lyrics, but I feel like this song fits my recent attitude so well - here is my favorite verse and a little of the chorus:

I've been feeling down

I've been looking round the town

For somebody just like me

But the only ones I see

Are the dummies in the window

They spend their money on clothes

It saddens me to think

That the only ones I see are mannequins

Looking stupid, being used and being thin

And I don't know why I hang around with them

The way they act, I'd rather be fat than be confused

I'd rather be fat than confused, but not this fat!  I know who I am, and I like my life, but I would feel much better about how I am perceived if I broke out of this outer shell so people could see me instead of my weight.

I want to go shopping and find clothes that fit when I crave a new shirt or bathing suit,without being limited to 2 brick-and-mortar stores and 1 online store.  

Speaking of bathing suits, I want to be able to enjoy swimming or laying out at the pool when I go on vacation without worrying about what the skinny bitch 3 chairs down is thinking when I take off my wrap and expose alllllll of me.  

I want to be able to do fun things with my friends without having to worry about how much walking there will be or whether I'll be able to physically complete an activity.

I want to be able to walk into my closet and find more than 2 pairs of pants to choose from when I'm getting ready for work.

I want to be able to go to a restaurant without worrying that the chair won't collapse from my weight when I sit down.  

I want to be goofy and skip around and chase the cat when I feel like it without getting out of breath.

What I don't want is to hear a 3 year old commenting on my fatness to her mom in Target right in front of me.  Why didn't the mom correct her daughter and tell her it's not nice to say things like that?  Because she agrees.  One time a little girl said "eeeeeeeeeeeeeew she big!" in the Dollar Store.  Not my favorite memory.  

Here are some basic things that have to stop:

• buying an extra sandwich for the ride home, where I will eat a fast food combo meal
• Java Chip frappuccino
• appetizers
• midnight trips to Sheetz for a sweet treat
• Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave, can you please bring me a drumstick when  you come back from the kitchen?????

I'm sure there are more, but you get the idea of how out of hand my eating has become.  I'm not saying I won't eat ice cream, or treat myself to a frappuccino, but not to the excess I have been treating myself lately.  It's not a treat if you have it all the time.

Welcome to my journey.